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Notes on How to Work a Room by Susan RoAne

1.

• Be aware of negative selftalk and change it to positive self-talk.
• Extending yourself to people feels risky, but the benefits are well worth the discomfort.

2.

• Redefine the term "stranger." You have common ground with most people.
• Practice a seven to nine second self-introduction.
• Move from "guest" behavior to "host" behavior. "Good things come to those who initiate."
• Eject the rejector and move on.
• Unmix the mixed messages. Prevent your actions from being perceived as improper. Watch you words, dress, and body language.

3.

• Learn to appoach any event with purpose and enthusiasm.
• Identify the potential benefits of an event before you go.
• Being a resource to others, not just focus on your agenda, is preferable.
• We all have something to contribute.

4.

• Chutzpah and charm are the dynamic duo at the heart of working a room successfully. We all have thesee qualities.
• Practice makes them stronger. They let us work a room with style and grace--and ultimately, are what atrract people to us.
• Identify who is charming and why. What do they do and say? Don't do and don't say?
• Emulate them.

If you want to give your card to someone but they have not asked for it, ask for theirs first.

5. "I really enjoy hearing from you, but I don't read FWDed online jokes, especially if there is more than one screen of names. I would much prefer just hearing from you and how you are, and am so glad you stay in touch. DO

• Proofread for punctuation, spelling and flow (but grammar- and spell-check are not sufficient).
• Check your e-mail regularly, and if you do so more than eight times a day, take the Addiction Quiz (see page 49).
• Remember the "magic" words and pleasantries.
• Assess the situations that require real time communication, even if e-mail is easier.

DON'T

• Use obscenities. They read worse than they sound.
• Send more than one screen of information without permission.
• Fire, dump or reprimand.
• Use all uppercase letters ... it is shouting.
• Send any mail you would not want to be read by others, in public or in court!
• Use your office computer for relaying jokes/messages that could cost you your job.
• Forward screens of e-mail sayings, jokes, warnings. o Waste people's e-time.
• Send an e-mail written in anger (wait a day, reread, reassess).

6. Sleazes come in a variety of disguises and tend to o make others uncomfortable

• be self-absorbed
• look past you to see who else is in the room
• try to push their agenda, products or services o drink too much
• tell off-color, inappropriate jokes
• have no interest in those who can't help them
• try to make their contract quota
• make fun of others as a "conversation ploy"
• size up people based on "titles"

If you have met a sleaze, the voice in your stomach will signal you clearly. Pay attention and MOVE ON!

7. Take the time to "be prepared." Remember the seven steps for planning your presence:

1. Adopt a positive attitude.
2. Focus on the benefits of the event.
3. Plan your self-introduction.
4. Check your business cards.
5. Prepare your small talk. Bring your O.A.R. (Observe, Ask, Reveal).
6. Remember to make eye contact and smile.
7. Practice your handshake.

Advisories:

• Kiss off the kissing.
• Be conscious of body language.
• Avoid garlic and onions.
• Have fun and the room will "work" you!

8. The following seven strategies will help you work any room.

1. Enter the room with confidence, orient yourself and look for people you either know or want to know. And be nice to everyone!
2. Go alone or use the Buddy System. Go with a friend or a colleague or a significant other and work the room separately. Most people will not intrude on a conversational pas de deux.
3. Seek out other shy people who will appreciate your interest and conversation.
4. Make the most of name tags. Use the information as a conversation starter, and place the name tag on your right-hand side.
5. Great opening lines come in a million forms. Just about anything will work if it's delivered with a smile and honest interest. Try "Hi!" or "Hello."
6. Don't be afraid to move in and join conversations already in progress, and include those people who want to join your conversation.
7. Moving out of conversations is part of circulating through the room and meeting a variety of new people. Thank the host before you leave.

Advisories:

• Beware of the Consumption Assumption. Just because there is an open bar, and we can drink freely, does not mean that we should freely drink! It's still business!
• Treat everyone nicely: You never know!
• Always introduce yourself by your full name to those whose names you can't retrieve.

9. Remeber the Seven Keys to Lively Conversation:

1. Read one local newspaper a day and a national paper online or on paper. Location, national, international conversation starters fill the pages.
2. Clip and collect cartoons, announcements or articles of interest to you and your network. Send them!
3. Read newsletters, professional journals and minutes for up-to-the-minute topics of conversation.
4. Take note and take notes when you hear something interesting or observe the odd or absurd.
5. Use humor (surely you jest) carefully. Be light-hearted and don't take yourself so seriously. No "dissing" of others.
6. Listen actively-with ears, eyes and heart. Truly pay attention.
7. Just say yes to new opportunities. Doing, seeing, visiting something new and out of our everyday interests ... gives us something to talk about.

10.

• Hone your public-speaking skills.
• "Work" your audience by greeting, meeting and conversing with them prior to your program.
• Introduce yourself. Use name tags for conversation; move into and around each section of the audience.
• Prepare for your presentation.
• Start with an attention-getting observation, vignette or statistic.
• Collect the "stories" daily. Fun, interesting, odd and ironic occurrences happen all the time.
• Customize your presentation for the audience.
• Listen to other speakers and the great orators.
• Observe entertainers to see how they engage the audience.
• Practice your presentation so that it flows like a conversation.
• Join Toastmasters.
• Work with an experienced, qualified speech coach.

11.

• Good manners equals good business.
• We are never too busy to bypass common courtesywhich is having a regard for the feelings and dignity of others.
• Don't save nanoseconds. Invest time in the "niceties."
• Know the Rules of Etiquette:
  • table manners
  • introductions
  • guest and host behavior
  • cyberspace
• R.S.V.P. ... don't show up without having done it, forget to attend or wait for better offers.
• Don't presume informality: Wait until it is offered.
• Thank-you notes are a sign of acknowledgement, appreciation and manners.
• Send thank-yous for the tangibles-gifts, checks, meals-and the intangibles-ideas, leads, referrals, advice and listening.
• Never shorten someone's name unless told to do so. ("Please call me Dave" is the invitation to do so.)

12. The cocktail party-social, business or fund-raiser-is a perfect opportunity to meet new friends and new contacts, to reconnect with familiar faces and to have a good time.

Bring:

• your business cards
• your smile
• your focus
• your sense of humor
• your wit, wisdom and interest in others
• conversation starters: lapel pins, ties, jewelry, hats (when appropriate)
• appropriate manners fit for the occasion

Observe:

• the layout of the room
• gifts of gab (and say something)
• the people, the groups, the flow

Lose:

• prejudgments
• snobbery
• self-focus

13.

• Go to your reunion.
• Reunions are a chance to reunite with old friends and reestablish longtime connections.
• People have grown up, changed and are interesting. o Have fun.
• Build your personal and business network.
• Connections with classmates can blossom into renewed friendship, romances and/or business.
• Prepare ahead of time as you would for other parties/events.
• Do your homework.
• Relax and enjoy yourself while you are there. o Follow up.
• Connect with people as they are today.
• Start the diet and workout plan way ahead of time!
• Remember, anything can happen.

14. The trade show or convention is a unique opportunity to increase your base of contacts, to buy and sell products and services and to have fun. Where else could you find so many rooms to work in one place at one time? This is the big time, the marathon, the ultimate challenge to those of us who value the ability to work a room. To get the most out of it and keep from being overwhelmed, plan the following in advance:

• the smooth running of the office while you are away,
• your work at the convention itself,
• your follow-up.

Working a booth or an entire trade show is just like working a room-only more so! Rise to the challenge, seize the golden opportunity and have fun! More trade-show tips:

• Read the brochure.
• Devise a plan.
• Arrange for appointments ahead of time.
• Invite clients and potential clients to visit your booth.
• Stick to your eating and exercise regimen.
• Attend sessions (it's a great way to get conversational tidbits).

15.

• Be nice to everyone!
• We can be diverse in many ways.
• Celebrate our differences.
• Lose the judgments based on physical appearances or disabilities.
• Look for commonality.
• Talk to those who are different as you would to those who are the same.
• It is good business and good behavior to be open to all people.
• Lose the "some of my best friends" line. It is insulting, patronizing and not endearing.
• Focus on the event, which is the common factor.

We never know from where or when, the next job, client, tickets to the play-offs or friend will come!

16.

• The world is a cornucopia of contacts.
• How we speak to people in public can be overheard.
• Four walls no longer define a room; it can be anyplace.
• Casual conversation can contribute to our base of contacts and business ... and pleasure.
• Chance encounters can change our lives.
• Smile ... say something!